srsly tho, my heart goes out to every single student of color making their way through higher education right now. Especially the ones at small private colleges where 20% students of color is seen as some kind of achievement. Especially the ones at schools who claim multiculturalism or inclusion as one of their core values, because you thought that meant they would support you.
basically if you can’t find room for me in your story I can’t find room for your story in my budget
Want to Un-Learn Your Socialized Niceness and Reinforce your Assertiveness?
Practice By Using the Following Phrases When the Opportunity Arrises:
"I’m not interested."
"(Please) Leave me alone."
"I’d rather you not."
"That doesn’t interest me at all."
"You need to stop."
"That’s not what I said."
"I don’t owe you/anyone an explanation."
"That’s too personal."
"I would like some privacy."
"That doesn’t work for me."
"I’d like to be by myself."
"I’m going to leave now."
These words and phrases might evoke thoughts of reacting to someone bringing unwanted sexual advances. But how can we expect girls and women to be able to say no in such extreme circumstances when we’ve been socialized to avoid confrontation in such “small” circumstances as when a man is talking us when we’d rather be left alone?
You can practice exercising and nurturing your assertiveness (and confidence) by incorporating phrases like this in your day-to-day life.
I was thinking of this today, because whenever any women had to leave the workshops to run to the restroom, they apologized, and also apologized before asking any questions. I noticed this and made it a point not to say “I’m sorry” before asking my question, and even then, it was so hard not to.
It hurts so bad when you have to let go of white friends. Years later you wonder if you really had to let them go. Were you being uncompromising? Could you have been more patient? The answer, of course, is no. You had to let them go for your sanity, for your dignity, and because you deserve friends who will listen with an open heart to your very real pain and anguish. If they can’t do that, they were not your friends.